I better get this in before I get behind!

So my class was last Thursday and it went okay...just okay.  There was some rough moments were I was certain there was going to be an issue.  One particular moment was when the counselor asked "why do you think you got fat"  she asked it just like that.  They are very blunt.  She said "don't say the weight came back, like its an entity with its own mind waiting in a closet ready to attach to your ass when your not looking!  You choose to get fat...you choose to allow yourself to eat things in excess or wrong that will make you fat!"  So my issue was when someone said slow metabolism.  She said bull shit!  No is born fat!  I disagree.  I have a friend I work with he and his wife are bean poles, but their adopted daughter (age 7) is obese.  He and his wife eat healthy and exercise and try to encourage their daughter to as well.  They even sent her to a nutritionist to educate her on healthy choices (at 7!).  Then someone said big bones.  She again said bull shit!  I had to chime in then...I have big bones.  I don't use that for an excuse for why I'm fat, but it does make me weigh more!  At 140 pounds you can see my bones on my ribs from my back!  A person with small bones would be overweight at 140 pounds at my height.  I then dropped it and spoke to her after class.  I plan to leave the fast at 150-160...that according to the BMI chart is overweight but not when you take into account my large bone structure.  She assured me she would be supportive when that time came.  I don't know if I trust her though...she seems very opinionated about that...(I say bullshit!)

So I had lunch with Sis on Friday.  As we ate we talked about the fast...she keeps asking me when do I start...she seems very interested in it.  She said something I thought was strange but I had to self reflect and see if it was true.  She said Mom thought that I gained my weight to punish my ex.  It sounded nuts.  How would me gaining weight punish my EX...seems it would punish ME!  Then she said a "good wife" is supposed to take care of herself for her husband.  I said I will be honest probably about 20 % of why I am doing this is for my husband....he hasn't asked me to...in fact he has said he loves my body the way it is and I believe him.  The other 80% is for me. I then said I call BS on the "good wife" crap.  Ex and current husband both married me when I was overweight.  I was a size 16 when I married my ex...I'm a 16 to 18 now...I was a 16 when we divorced.  She said it's not fair to the husband if you let yourself go.  WTF?!  She said she read that in a book...most times I would encourage reading, but in this case put that book down!  Serious!?  So the expectation is that wives don't gain weight, wrinkle or sag?!  Give me a break!  She's warped and I didn't even want to start that conversation.

The part that scares me about that conversation is that I know that is how she thinks...she judges!  She once said poor uncle so and so, aunt so and so totally let herself go...no wonder he cheated.  What a bizarre way of thinking!  Uncle so and so cheated because he's damaged.  Aunt so and so didn't "let herself go" she got OLD!  It's hard listening to my sister sometimes.

So my class is tomorrow.  I'm not sure if I will start the fast tomorrow night or Friday morning.  I'm glad its close to the weekend because I remember last time when I started this program I slept for nearly 2 days until my body adjusted to 400 calories per day.  I bought a hand blender and a neat ice shaker thing for my shakes.  I also bought flavored syrups that are calorie free to add to the shakes.  I'm ready!