Day 132, Week 21

So I have some homework today.

I went to my program early today.  We are going to San Francisco Thursday and I will be missing my class.  I needed to do the blood work.  I was dreading weighing in because it's 2 days early.  I could lose another pound in a day who knows!  I went to my doctor first because he needed to see a mole on my back (that's fine) I got on the scale and it said 159.2  I almost did a cartwheel.

I walked over to my program and checked in.  They gave me my paperwork and I weighed in.  160.0  That's okay!  I knew their scales were wrong!  I had decided that if I had lost more than 2.5 pounds I was going to go to food.  I lost 5!  I think that is a clear indicator.  I wanted to be between 150 and 160.  At home on the scale naked in the morning I am 152.6  in the evening 157 naked, on the scale at optifast 160...that's right where I wanted to be.

After talking it over for a very long time with hubby I decided to call my counselor and tell her I'm ready to start PFE (progressive food encounters)  I'm nervous.  Hubby actually had to talk me back into going to food...I had talked myself out of it.  "but look!  I still have fat here!"  I said.   I left her a message "no rush, just call me back whenever, really I'm in NO hurry" was what I said.  I'm scared out of my mind!  I didn't know I would be this nervous about eating a 3 oz breast of chicken!

So the homework and I have decided to do it here.  I have to write down my feelings (words) about going back to food.  Then pick one word and write about it for 15 minutes.  I will write the words here and then on another page do the 15 minutes of writing.  Here goes:

fear, anxiety, excited, relieved, nervous, happy, untrustworthy, abnormal, independent, indecisive, unsure, insecure.

I had Hubby choose the word for me.  He chose unsure...