13 weeks without food technically.
I am so depressed! I'll just start there. Okay...actually maybe I'm mad...I need to start naming my feelings...I am a mix of depressed and mad...I'm depangry! Okay lets start with the PA visit.
The PA at Optifast is a mother freaking MORAN...I'm angry about that. I saw her yesterday and explained that I am cold...not just cold but BONE CHILLING COLD! Oh ya and I'm dizzy. The cold she excused away saying I've lost over an inch of fat everywhere that served as my insulation...um okay but I'm still cold! My dizziness...that's vertigo. WTF? She wants me in the morning to sit on the bed, lay to the right and then quickly lay to the left...then while the world is spinning I need to focus on a set object. This will desensitize me. I told hubby this and he laughed hysterically..."she doesn't have a clue of what she is talking about...you are volume depleted! Your blood pressure is low, you're cold so all the blood is at your core and not going to your brain!" Thank you Dr. ...that helps so much...I have so much faith in my medically supervised diet now!
Depressed (but relieved) I did my thyroid test. Normal. UGH! Phew...but what the hell?
Then I got on the scale I lost .5 pounds. Depressed. Granted I'm wearing heavy clothes to keep me warm and my bladder was full. I took my jacket off to weigh. When I got home I again had a full bladder. I got on the scale with my jacket. It said 176.4 (okay so my jacket weighs 1.4 pounds) then I peed...got back on the scale I was 174.6! I must have a HUGE bladder! 2 pounds of pee! So...take off the jacket and my weight is 173.2 so that's 2.5 pounds lost, but it's too creative and as far as the "official scale at Optifast" it says 175.
Then the counselor ended the session saying well kids this is week 14. At week 16 (2 weeks from now) I'm going to ask the burning question...what do you want to do? Do you want to go to maintenance or stay with the full fast program until you reach goal? A million thoughts raced through my mind and I had been thinking about this before! In 2 weeks I will lose maybe 5 more pounds...that's 170...I want to be 150! By week 20 I will be if all goes well on the scale...160...that's just 10 pounds from goal...but I want to get to goal! If I stay in the program I'm gonna be a joke...I will join with all new members who have at least 50 pounds to lose. I know how I felt about N ...she was a little 24 year old that came to the first 8 classes...she started at 180 and looked like I do now...(I don't look like I'm 175...today someone guessed my weight at 150) When she walked in and said she was doing the full fast a lady leaned over to me and said sarcastically, "ya...she really needs to be here..." I don't want to be THAT GIRL! If I start maintenance at 160 what? Do I stay there?! I don't want to be there. Ugh add indecisive to my depangry status.
I told the counselor that I spoke to the PA and what the PA had said...she agreed about the cold, but did not agree with the dizzy diagnosis or strategy. I told her I'm borderline anemic...she told me to get my iron checked next class. I hope that's it...I can take iron...it just makes my poop black and pooping happens so infrequent that I don't think I will mind.
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