So I owe you sound bites from the last meeting and the one last night. I'm skipping the ones from the meeting before last night...we had a sub and I got nothing out of it.
So sound bites from last night...a little tip when we go back to food. During maintenance I can buy 6 boxes of the shake...counselor recommends that I do that and when I go back to food and I have an anxiety attack (I have those about food) I need to do a "digestive reboot" basically just cut out food again and go back to shakes for a day.
Another tip...if you have a time of day where you just need to eat (for me that is 3pm) I just get spent at work and I'm tired, hungry and thirsty...I find myself at the snack machine getting something salty and then sweet...then when that doesn't satisfy it I go to the cafe and get a coffee with lots of sugar (those days are gone...) but if I get that urge at 3pm or 9:30...it hits me then too. I should just have a shake, nothing else until dinner, or at 9:30 (just go to bed!)
So they are cutting my group short. Instead of 20 weeks we are ending at 18. Then the new group comes into our group and they start their 20 weeks and I start all over again. So I told you I would tell you about the "other ways to lose weight" So there are 4, but to be completely honest I am only interested in 2. The first one is an open enrollment class I can start anytime it meets the same day and time as my class and I could go instead of my class. It's called Blast. (Become lean and start toning) I spend an hour combining walking, resistance training, yoga followed by a brief group connect. It's to get me started on a regular fitness routine. I have been getting up at 4:30 on the weekdays every other day and doing the callanetics (workout from hell) and my bike for 15 minutes. I also walk around the lake on weekends (about 4 miles). So I'm exercising. The other class is called Solutions : recovery from food addiction, this has been described to me as almost a collegiate program learning about the physiology of addictive responses in our brains and practice strategies for overcoming urges to binge eat. I binge eat. I plan to go to OA though, so I don't know what if anything I would get out of this. My other option...just stay in my class and go through it all again.
One thing I realized last night. Regardless of what I do...I have to do something every week for the rest of my life. I have to go to a booster class every week. I need to be held accountable and I need a group to answer to...its the only way I will succeed. That excites me (that I can see light at the end of the tunnel of how I can do this) and scares me (holy crap my life is never going to be relaxed about food again!)
Friday, September 30, 2011
Day 99, week 16
So I talked to you before I went to class yesterday. Weigh in was to be expected. Gain nothing/lose nothing. I weighed 170. Oh well.
Counselor asked the burning question. Stay in program and meet a new group of people just entering the program or go to maintenance...2 of our peeps went to maintenance. The rest ( and there are only 10 of us left) are staying. I have 20 pounds to go. I hated the idea of doing it all again...that's when the counselor gave me a paper called "other ways to lose weight". It had a list of other classes I could do instead of group. They last between 8 and 12 weeks. I signed up to stay in the group BUT I may join one of these other groups. I will give a full description soon and you can help me decided.
In a way I really wanted to be done by now. In another I am a little relieved...I don't know how I would do eating during Halloween and Thanksgiving...
I helped set up a going away party today for a co worker. 3 cakes (one my favorite) fruit, chex mix...all yummy. I had no problem setting up but when I left my tummy was growling and it was an hour before I would have another shake. Tough! I try to think how I would handle that if I were eating and I find myself thankful that I'm not!
Talk to you soon with sound bites and definition of the paper. Will miss you at Disneyland. ;o(
Counselor asked the burning question. Stay in program and meet a new group of people just entering the program or go to maintenance...2 of our peeps went to maintenance. The rest ( and there are only 10 of us left) are staying. I have 20 pounds to go. I hated the idea of doing it all again...that's when the counselor gave me a paper called "other ways to lose weight". It had a list of other classes I could do instead of group. They last between 8 and 12 weeks. I signed up to stay in the group BUT I may join one of these other groups. I will give a full description soon and you can help me decided.
In a way I really wanted to be done by now. In another I am a little relieved...I don't know how I would do eating during Halloween and Thanksgiving...
I helped set up a going away party today for a co worker. 3 cakes (one my favorite) fruit, chex mix...all yummy. I had no problem setting up but when I left my tummy was growling and it was an hour before I would have another shake. Tough! I try to think how I would handle that if I were eating and I find myself thankful that I'm not!
Talk to you soon with sound bites and definition of the paper. Will miss you at Disneyland. ;o(
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Day 97, week 16
Well I love the shakes and soups. It is sooo nice to have a change. I still get a little cold, but nothing like before. The only down side...I get on the scale everyday and the needle not only has not gone down, but it went a pound UP! I'm on a period from hell right now. It was 6 days late (I thought it was going to stop) then it came with a vengeance! I'm thinking it is water. If I have any loss this week I will be amazed. I really don't care though. I'm comfortable and I'm not in a hurry. If I don't eat until after Thanksgiving that's okay as long as I get to my goal and I'm healthy. Yes, I will be in a class with a bunch of people just starting out, but maybe the fact that I had been through 20 weeks will be an asset to them. I have a lot of insight to offer.
I'm liking my size 12 pants. I'm going to miss them when I get to a size 10. Hopefully I can find some 10's as cute and these 12's.
I have soundbites. I will be putting them up soon. I'm getting a iPad in the next few weeks. I may get the blogger app and just put the soundbites up right there in class!
I haven't been working on the OA blog at all. I'm easily distracted. I started another blog...I may want your help with it. It's called From the backseat It is a blog about the little quips my kids or other people's kids have said in the past...kinda like kids say the darndest thing only most of the stuff I have heard come from the back seat of my car. If I get enough of them I think I may put a little book together someday and publish it. So start writing down the funny stuff your kids say too and I'll put it in (I'm already putting in the "I'm watching you...PENIS!")
So that's it for today! Can't wait to hit the BIG D!
I'm liking my size 12 pants. I'm going to miss them when I get to a size 10. Hopefully I can find some 10's as cute and these 12's.
I have soundbites. I will be putting them up soon. I'm getting a iPad in the next few weeks. I may get the blogger app and just put the soundbites up right there in class!
I haven't been working on the OA blog at all. I'm easily distracted. I started another blog...I may want your help with it. It's called From the backseat It is a blog about the little quips my kids or other people's kids have said in the past...kinda like kids say the darndest thing only most of the stuff I have heard come from the back seat of my car. If I get enough of them I think I may put a little book together someday and publish it. So start writing down the funny stuff your kids say too and I'll put it in (I'm already putting in the "I'm watching you...PENIS!")
So that's it for today! Can't wait to hit the BIG D!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Day 93, week 15
So lots of changes.
First off. I weighed in at 170 last night so that made up for the half a pound I lost last week!
I went to see the PA again when I got to the class. It was a different PA...a smarter PA. I told her I was still getting dizzy and I was still cold. She looked at me and said how much do you weigh? I said 170. She said you don't have enough fat to burn to be on the 400 calorie shake...its as simple as that. I'm surprised you are still losing...usually your body goes back to storing fat at this point. You need to go on a higher calorie shake...the cold is low blood pressure. You can have 2 soups in lieu of shakes...you need to do that. Don't add soy sauce just eat the soup. It was a simple as that.
So I went and got the shakes (1 chocolate, 1 vanilla, 1 strawberry) and the soups (1 garden tomatoe and 1 creamy chicken).
I had my first shakes and soups today. I have a TON of energy, I'm not hungry at all and I'm not cold! I rode my bike (stationary) another 11 miles last night. I'm excited. I don't care if this slows down my weight loss I feel great! The first shake was vanilla. I put my cinnamon tea and caramel syrup in it and had it for breakfast...it was thicker like the consistency of cake batter and it tasted like cake batter! Then I had my strawberry with the raspberry tea...eh. It was good but nothing to write about...I'm going to try strawberry banana tomorrow. Then I had my soup! It was thick and tasted like canned tomato soup, a bit bland for my taste so I added chipotle powder and YUM!!!!! Then I had my chocolate peanut butter, but I added a squirt of chocolate syrup...I'm leaving the chocolate syrup out next time. I have the creamy soup later tonight. I can't wait! They said I could have a bar (like an optifast candy bar) instead of a soup or shake...I don't want that. Chewing and swallowing is too much like eating and I know me...I'd be tempted to chew and swallow other foods!
So that's the deal. Exciting!
First off. I weighed in at 170 last night so that made up for the half a pound I lost last week!
I went to see the PA again when I got to the class. It was a different PA...a smarter PA. I told her I was still getting dizzy and I was still cold. She looked at me and said how much do you weigh? I said 170. She said you don't have enough fat to burn to be on the 400 calorie shake...its as simple as that. I'm surprised you are still losing...usually your body goes back to storing fat at this point. You need to go on a higher calorie shake...the cold is low blood pressure. You can have 2 soups in lieu of shakes...you need to do that. Don't add soy sauce just eat the soup. It was a simple as that.
So I went and got the shakes (1 chocolate, 1 vanilla, 1 strawberry) and the soups (1 garden tomatoe and 1 creamy chicken).
I had my first shakes and soups today. I have a TON of energy, I'm not hungry at all and I'm not cold! I rode my bike (stationary) another 11 miles last night. I'm excited. I don't care if this slows down my weight loss I feel great! The first shake was vanilla. I put my cinnamon tea and caramel syrup in it and had it for breakfast...it was thicker like the consistency of cake batter and it tasted like cake batter! Then I had my strawberry with the raspberry tea...eh. It was good but nothing to write about...I'm going to try strawberry banana tomorrow. Then I had my soup! It was thick and tasted like canned tomato soup, a bit bland for my taste so I added chipotle powder and YUM!!!!! Then I had my chocolate peanut butter, but I added a squirt of chocolate syrup...I'm leaving the chocolate syrup out next time. I have the creamy soup later tonight. I can't wait! They said I could have a bar (like an optifast candy bar) instead of a soup or shake...I don't want that. Chewing and swallowing is too much like eating and I know me...I'd be tempted to chew and swallow other foods!
So that's the deal. Exciting!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
This thing just BURNED me!
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| I brought this to work and did it for 15 minutes and when I went to put it away the metal part of the pedal burned my finger! How crazy is that?! |
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Day 91, week 15
I hear what you're saying. I didn't do this because of what people think.
I guess doing the homework and all that stuff again can't hurt...for you (and me) it will be deja vu.
So, there is a new thing running me. We are getting to that point where people notice the weight loss. I didn't want to tell anyone I was doing the optifast because...well you know. People are really starting to ask. It goes like this. "Wow! You look like you have lost a ton of weight! How much have you lost?" I answer "Around 40 pounds" Them "How did you do it...are you still losing?" I answer "Oh, I've been really watching what I don't eat." Them..."oh come on! Just changing what you eat?! No pills, no surgery!?" Me: "I take a vitamin everyday, but that's the only pill...no surgery"
Then the people at work: "You look like you have lost a lot of weight?! Are you doing that liquid diet again?!" Me: "I am." Them "you look fine are you still doing it? When do you stop?" Me: "When I'm done." Them: "Well be careful..blah blah blah..." So now I have a group of people who say right when they see me "Are you eating yet?!" or "When do you get to eat?"
I'm getting really sick of it. I couldn't seem to not hear it yesterday...it seemed like everyone. So today I put on baggy pants and a sweatshirt. hubby got mad. "You have worked so hard to get your body where you want it and you're going to hide it because you don't want to hear the comments?!" Yes! I'm tired of the questions and the comments! Did you go through that with the surgery? It's different I guess...no one accused you of being anorexic. I get told that all the time..I'm 175 freakin pounds! I'm FAR from anorexic!
Anyway, I have started to tell people that it bothers me when they ask me when do I get to eat. It's hard enough not eating but being reminded of the fact that there really is a very dim light at the end of my food tunnel right now isn't helping. I'm hoping they respect that. But what I really want to say is "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!" Why do they want to know? So when I start eating if I gain a pound they can say something?! When did talking about my body become acceptable?! I didn't come to them and say hey I'm on a diet! Watch me get skinny and feel free to comment whenever you feel like it about what you think of the whole thing!!! I invited 2 people...you and John and John is limited to only saying positive things! You of course have the purple pass.
I'm getting cranky about the whole thing if you couldn't tell. Maybe its my period...this week sucks...I'm still depangry and now I'm bitchy! On a positive note...I haven't got dizzy all day! I may be able to hold off on the 800 another week! Woo Hoo!
I guess doing the homework and all that stuff again can't hurt...for you (and me) it will be deja vu.
So, there is a new thing running me. We are getting to that point where people notice the weight loss. I didn't want to tell anyone I was doing the optifast because...well you know. People are really starting to ask. It goes like this. "Wow! You look like you have lost a ton of weight! How much have you lost?" I answer "Around 40 pounds" Them "How did you do it...are you still losing?" I answer "Oh, I've been really watching what I don't eat." Them..."oh come on! Just changing what you eat?! No pills, no surgery!?" Me: "I take a vitamin everyday, but that's the only pill...no surgery"
Then the people at work: "You look like you have lost a lot of weight?! Are you doing that liquid diet again?!" Me: "I am." Them "you look fine are you still doing it? When do you stop?" Me: "When I'm done." Them: "Well be careful..blah blah blah..." So now I have a group of people who say right when they see me "Are you eating yet?!" or "When do you get to eat?"
I'm getting really sick of it. I couldn't seem to not hear it yesterday...it seemed like everyone. So today I put on baggy pants and a sweatshirt. hubby got mad. "You have worked so hard to get your body where you want it and you're going to hide it because you don't want to hear the comments?!" Yes! I'm tired of the questions and the comments! Did you go through that with the surgery? It's different I guess...no one accused you of being anorexic. I get told that all the time..I'm 175 freakin pounds! I'm FAR from anorexic!
Anyway, I have started to tell people that it bothers me when they ask me when do I get to eat. It's hard enough not eating but being reminded of the fact that there really is a very dim light at the end of my food tunnel right now isn't helping. I'm hoping they respect that. But what I really want to say is "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!" Why do they want to know? So when I start eating if I gain a pound they can say something?! When did talking about my body become acceptable?! I didn't come to them and say hey I'm on a diet! Watch me get skinny and feel free to comment whenever you feel like it about what you think of the whole thing!!! I invited 2 people...you and John and John is limited to only saying positive things! You of course have the purple pass.
I'm getting cranky about the whole thing if you couldn't tell. Maybe its my period...this week sucks...I'm still depangry and now I'm bitchy! On a positive note...I haven't got dizzy all day! I may be able to hold off on the 800 another week! Woo Hoo!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Day 89 week 15
Okay. This whole stay in the class/don't stay in the class go to maintenance has been running me. I talked to hubby and as we walked around the lake yesterday we came to the conclusion I should stay in. I'm gonna be THAT girl! Here is how we came to it. Maintenance is to MAINTAIN...I don't want to maintain 160. The program knows their scale is 7 pounds off. That's okay because when you go back to food...you gain weight so ya you end the class underweight and then during maintenance you gain a little and then you maintain. I need to go into maintenance a little under weight, then gain the water back that will be retained the minute I eat something solid. Then I maintain my goal 150-155.
Making that decision has helped immensely. I'm not stressing anymore...its a huge weight lifted off my shoulders...now I have other what if scenarios...what if the whole class ignores me and hates me? What if I get my counselor from 8 years ago back...he's still there...I see him all the time...he kinda recognizes me. I will only in the class 4 weeks tops. I'm building up my exercise. I'm hoping to lose more that 2.5 each week so I can go to maintenance and not do the class but if I'm 155 or more...I'm staying in the class period.
So I'm in a size loose 12. I think I only got to be in them for 2 weeks! I'm shopping for 10's now. I may hit the thrift store this next weekend if time permits. I bid on a "lot" of jeans size 10 on ebay ($11 was my max bid) I'm cheap...besides what if I hate all of them? Not ready to shop for 8's just yet. I'm looking for a Halloween costume. The boobs necessitate a large no matter what, so that makes things easy. Shopping for a Christmas party dress is a nightmare. What size will I be in December?!
So adding soy sauce to my now 2 soups per day is helping with the cold wonderfully. I still wear my jacket at work, but my teeth aren't chattering. I started feeling cold today but had already eaten my soup. I had a cup of hot tea (caffeinated) it didn't help. I drank a packet of soy sauce...gagged, but now I feel fine. YUCKY. I wish I could find a nice tasting no calories salty thing.
I'm indecisive about next week I am thinking of going on the optifast 800. It won't slow down the weight loss I will just have issues with hunger. There are some carbs in that so it causes your body to go out of ketosis a little. I think that will help with the dizziness. I still have that pretty bad, the salt is doing nothing for that.
Making that decision has helped immensely. I'm not stressing anymore...its a huge weight lifted off my shoulders...now I have other what if scenarios...what if the whole class ignores me and hates me? What if I get my counselor from 8 years ago back...he's still there...I see him all the time...he kinda recognizes me. I will only in the class 4 weeks tops. I'm building up my exercise. I'm hoping to lose more that 2.5 each week so I can go to maintenance and not do the class but if I'm 155 or more...I'm staying in the class period.
So I'm in a size loose 12. I think I only got to be in them for 2 weeks! I'm shopping for 10's now. I may hit the thrift store this next weekend if time permits. I bid on a "lot" of jeans size 10 on ebay ($11 was my max bid) I'm cheap...besides what if I hate all of them? Not ready to shop for 8's just yet. I'm looking for a Halloween costume. The boobs necessitate a large no matter what, so that makes things easy. Shopping for a Christmas party dress is a nightmare. What size will I be in December?!
So adding soy sauce to my now 2 soups per day is helping with the cold wonderfully. I still wear my jacket at work, but my teeth aren't chattering. I started feeling cold today but had already eaten my soup. I had a cup of hot tea (caffeinated) it didn't help. I drank a packet of soy sauce...gagged, but now I feel fine. YUCKY. I wish I could find a nice tasting no calories salty thing.
I'm indecisive about next week I am thinking of going on the optifast 800. It won't slow down the weight loss I will just have issues with hunger. There are some carbs in that so it causes your body to go out of ketosis a little. I think that will help with the dizziness. I still have that pretty bad, the salt is doing nothing for that.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Day 86 ending week (I had it wrong) 14
13 weeks without food technically.
I am so depressed! I'll just start there. Okay...actually maybe I'm mad...I need to start naming my feelings...I am a mix of depressed and mad...I'm depangry! Okay lets start with the PA visit.
The PA at Optifast is a mother freaking MORAN...I'm angry about that. I saw her yesterday and explained that I am cold...not just cold but BONE CHILLING COLD! Oh ya and I'm dizzy. The cold she excused away saying I've lost over an inch of fat everywhere that served as my insulation...um okay but I'm still cold! My dizziness...that's vertigo. WTF? She wants me in the morning to sit on the bed, lay to the right and then quickly lay to the left...then while the world is spinning I need to focus on a set object. This will desensitize me. I told hubby this and he laughed hysterically..."she doesn't have a clue of what she is talking about...you are volume depleted! Your blood pressure is low, you're cold so all the blood is at your core and not going to your brain!" Thank you Dr. ...that helps so much...I have so much faith in my medically supervised diet now!
Depressed (but relieved) I did my thyroid test. Normal. UGH! Phew...but what the hell?
Then I got on the scale I lost .5 pounds. Depressed. Granted I'm wearing heavy clothes to keep me warm and my bladder was full. I took my jacket off to weigh. When I got home I again had a full bladder. I got on the scale with my jacket. It said 176.4 (okay so my jacket weighs 1.4 pounds) then I peed...got back on the scale I was 174.6! I must have a HUGE bladder! 2 pounds of pee! So...take off the jacket and my weight is 173.2 so that's 2.5 pounds lost, but it's too creative and as far as the "official scale at Optifast" it says 175.
Then the counselor ended the session saying well kids this is week 14. At week 16 (2 weeks from now) I'm going to ask the burning question...what do you want to do? Do you want to go to maintenance or stay with the full fast program until you reach goal? A million thoughts raced through my mind and I had been thinking about this before! In 2 weeks I will lose maybe 5 more pounds...that's 170...I want to be 150! By week 20 I will be if all goes well on the scale...160...that's just 10 pounds from goal...but I want to get to goal! If I stay in the program I'm gonna be a joke...I will join with all new members who have at least 50 pounds to lose. I know how I felt about N ...she was a little 24 year old that came to the first 8 classes...she started at 180 and looked like I do now...(I don't look like I'm 175...today someone guessed my weight at 150) When she walked in and said she was doing the full fast a lady leaned over to me and said sarcastically, "ya...she really needs to be here..." I don't want to be THAT GIRL! If I start maintenance at 160 what? Do I stay there?! I don't want to be there. Ugh add indecisive to my depangry status.
I told the counselor that I spoke to the PA and what the PA had said...she agreed about the cold, but did not agree with the dizzy diagnosis or strategy. I told her I'm borderline anemic...she told me to get my iron checked next class. I hope that's it...I can take iron...it just makes my poop black and pooping happens so infrequent that I don't think I will mind.
I am so depressed! I'll just start there. Okay...actually maybe I'm mad...I need to start naming my feelings...I am a mix of depressed and mad...I'm depangry! Okay lets start with the PA visit.
The PA at Optifast is a mother freaking MORAN...I'm angry about that. I saw her yesterday and explained that I am cold...not just cold but BONE CHILLING COLD! Oh ya and I'm dizzy. The cold she excused away saying I've lost over an inch of fat everywhere that served as my insulation...um okay but I'm still cold! My dizziness...that's vertigo. WTF? She wants me in the morning to sit on the bed, lay to the right and then quickly lay to the left...then while the world is spinning I need to focus on a set object. This will desensitize me. I told hubby this and he laughed hysterically..."she doesn't have a clue of what she is talking about...you are volume depleted! Your blood pressure is low, you're cold so all the blood is at your core and not going to your brain!" Thank you Dr. ...that helps so much...I have so much faith in my medically supervised diet now!
Depressed (but relieved) I did my thyroid test. Normal. UGH! Phew...but what the hell?
Then I got on the scale I lost .5 pounds. Depressed. Granted I'm wearing heavy clothes to keep me warm and my bladder was full. I took my jacket off to weigh. When I got home I again had a full bladder. I got on the scale with my jacket. It said 176.4 (okay so my jacket weighs 1.4 pounds) then I peed...got back on the scale I was 174.6! I must have a HUGE bladder! 2 pounds of pee! So...take off the jacket and my weight is 173.2 so that's 2.5 pounds lost, but it's too creative and as far as the "official scale at Optifast" it says 175.
Then the counselor ended the session saying well kids this is week 14. At week 16 (2 weeks from now) I'm going to ask the burning question...what do you want to do? Do you want to go to maintenance or stay with the full fast program until you reach goal? A million thoughts raced through my mind and I had been thinking about this before! In 2 weeks I will lose maybe 5 more pounds...that's 170...I want to be 150! By week 20 I will be if all goes well on the scale...160...that's just 10 pounds from goal...but I want to get to goal! If I stay in the program I'm gonna be a joke...I will join with all new members who have at least 50 pounds to lose. I know how I felt about N ...she was a little 24 year old that came to the first 8 classes...she started at 180 and looked like I do now...(I don't look like I'm 175...today someone guessed my weight at 150) When she walked in and said she was doing the full fast a lady leaned over to me and said sarcastically, "ya...she really needs to be here..." I don't want to be THAT GIRL! If I start maintenance at 160 what? Do I stay there?! I don't want to be there. Ugh add indecisive to my depangry status.
I told the counselor that I spoke to the PA and what the PA had said...she agreed about the cold, but did not agree with the dizzy diagnosis or strategy. I told her I'm borderline anemic...she told me to get my iron checked next class. I hope that's it...I can take iron...it just makes my poop black and pooping happens so infrequent that I don't think I will mind.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Day 84 in week 12
Holy crap! I am FREEZING to death! It is 71 degrees in my office right now. I have jeans and a jacket on. At the base of my desk I have a space heater going full blast and my calf is pressed up against it!
I called my doctor and asked if I could get my thyroid checked he said yes. It was normal in May, but WTF? I seriously don't like this. If this is a side effect of the diet I'll just deal, but it's pretty unbearable. I have a total intolerance to AC.
When I go in tomorrow I may ask to speak to the advise nurse. I have a plethora of issues. The big one is this friggin cold spell! I also need them to know that every time I bend down passed my waist and come back up I nearly pass out...not liking that. John is taking my blood pressure regularly and it seems normal. I wanted to wait til I got to 170 before going to the 800, but it may be sooner.
My last weigh in was 175.5. I had to go in on Friday because my class was canceled on Thursday due to some guy unplugging all of southern California on accident.
Other than all those complaints I'm doing well. Lot of people noticing the weight loss now. Some co-workers are concerned I am going to look like a meth addict again...I am assuring them I won't let that happen. Only a hand full know that I don't eat. I saw Rosie this weekend. She said I was skinny 4 times...the fourth time she looked at me suspiciously and said GIRL! YOU PREGNANT!
Huh? Don't you gain weight when you're pregnant?
I called my doctor and asked if I could get my thyroid checked he said yes. It was normal in May, but WTF? I seriously don't like this. If this is a side effect of the diet I'll just deal, but it's pretty unbearable. I have a total intolerance to AC.
When I go in tomorrow I may ask to speak to the advise nurse. I have a plethora of issues. The big one is this friggin cold spell! I also need them to know that every time I bend down passed my waist and come back up I nearly pass out...not liking that. John is taking my blood pressure regularly and it seems normal. I wanted to wait til I got to 170 before going to the 800, but it may be sooner.
My last weigh in was 175.5. I had to go in on Friday because my class was canceled on Thursday due to some guy unplugging all of southern California on accident.
Other than all those complaints I'm doing well. Lot of people noticing the weight loss now. Some co-workers are concerned I am going to look like a meth addict again...I am assuring them I won't let that happen. Only a hand full know that I don't eat. I saw Rosie this weekend. She said I was skinny 4 times...the fourth time she looked at me suspiciously and said GIRL! YOU PREGNANT!
Huh? Don't you gain weight when you're pregnant?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Day 77-The sound bites I promised
Exercise keeps the endorphins up that leads (drives) the motivation. hubby and I walked 3 miles at the lake both Saturday and Sunday. We were going to walk on Tuesday after work and today...but I'm beat!
Fake it til you make it...she keeps saying that one.
She thinks some of us may have a gluten intolerance. That can make you coo coo. Her words.
We talked about owning our feelings...I'll try and recreate the drawing.
Fake it til you make it...she keeps saying that one.
She thinks some of us may have a gluten intolerance. That can make you coo coo. Her words.
We talked about owning our feelings...I'll try and recreate the drawing.
I own it
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I throw it away
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Positive
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(compliment) THANK YOU
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(Compliment) You need glasses
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Negative
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(You are laid off) You are a bad worker
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(You are laid off) The economy sucks and funds ran out.
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Basically what we hear and tell ourselves when someone says something positive or negative to us. The two boxes that tend to fill up the positive things we throw away and the negative things we own.
Take note to how you talk to yourself. Note how it brings you down...how it takes away your joy.
Where did I learn that I don't deserve joy and happiness.
Make a choice to believe the strangers and not believe my mom and sister. I deserve to like my new body.
Take ownership of the good things in my life.
Be in the moment don't worry about when I go back to food...enjoy this moment (many people have anxiety about eating right now we just passed the halfway point)
"I was good today" saying that lets food dictate your feelings. You feel how you want and choose how you feed yourself independent of your feelings.
When you decide you deserve goodness you will take care of yourself and only feed yourself good. Don't feed yourself junk!
Stop talking bad about yourself even if you don't believe it (fake it til you make it)
Grieve what you didn't have. A loving caring father. For me I need to feel the grief of not having a father period and grieve that my mom was emotionally unavailable.
So the class was on body image. We took a test. The highest you could score was a 36...that meant you absolutely hated your body. I scored a 17. So I guess that leaves me indifferent to my body. I don't hate it...I don't love it...it is what it is.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Day 76...better yet in week 11
I think I prefer that more. I was talking to my sister about the diet this weekend (it seems to be the only thing we can talk about) I said I'm halfway through she said you're more than that! I did the math and yes, I have been in the program going on 12 weeks, but I have been fasting for 11..on Friday I will have been fasting for 11 weeks.
I went into the girls closet this weekend and pulled out all my skinny clothes. Well skinny enough. When I started dating John the third and final time I had been on atkins religiously for 9 months. I was down to a size tight 12. Right now I'm in a size tight 12, loose 14. I pulled all the clothes out and tried them on. I have a whole new wardrobe! I did have to buy some panties and (drum roll) I went to get fitted for a bra! I have not done that. Bra shopping is a nightmare for me. It's like hitting the lottery if I find a bra that actually fits me. I was finally fitted and I'm a size 34 G. "34?!" I asked the lady...are you certain!? She measured again...34. Hubby's girls are size 34! When they heard that; we all just looked dumbfounded at each other! Then the G cup...where the hell am I going to find a place that sells that?! Online that's where. I bought 2 bras at the place that fitted me, but wow are they pricey. Great comfy bras though.
I tried the recipes from my discussion board...I think I just don't like coffee. It's time to just accept that and move on. I bought irish creme flavoring...YUCK! Any recipe that calls for coffee has so far been gross. I'm still trying to find pineapple so I can try the pina colada recipe. The english toffee/peanut butter vanilla one is YUMMAY!
So my sister came over Sunday and we went to the pool and had a bbq. Bro in law and hubby just chatted it up like crazy. Sis and I talked about the diet and not much else. She said I was quiet and that she figured I was trying to conserve my energy. LOL! I just have no idea what to say! She's been buying silver...LOTS of silver because "the government is going to take our gold like when Roosevelt did it...you know because Obama is a thief like Roosevelt" What would I say to that?! There are no words. So ya...I'm quiet. I dare not speak politics. She's reading "The Help" right now. I think maybe I will read that so that we have something to talk about.
Alright...sound bites coming I promise!
I went into the girls closet this weekend and pulled out all my skinny clothes. Well skinny enough. When I started dating John the third and final time I had been on atkins religiously for 9 months. I was down to a size tight 12. Right now I'm in a size tight 12, loose 14. I pulled all the clothes out and tried them on. I have a whole new wardrobe! I did have to buy some panties and (drum roll) I went to get fitted for a bra! I have not done that. Bra shopping is a nightmare for me. It's like hitting the lottery if I find a bra that actually fits me. I was finally fitted and I'm a size 34 G. "34?!" I asked the lady...are you certain!? She measured again...34. Hubby's girls are size 34! When they heard that; we all just looked dumbfounded at each other! Then the G cup...where the hell am I going to find a place that sells that?! Online that's where. I bought 2 bras at the place that fitted me, but wow are they pricey. Great comfy bras though.
I tried the recipes from my discussion board...I think I just don't like coffee. It's time to just accept that and move on. I bought irish creme flavoring...YUCK! Any recipe that calls for coffee has so far been gross. I'm still trying to find pineapple so I can try the pina colada recipe. The english toffee/peanut butter vanilla one is YUMMAY!
So my sister came over Sunday and we went to the pool and had a bbq. Bro in law and hubby just chatted it up like crazy. Sis and I talked about the diet and not much else. She said I was quiet and that she figured I was trying to conserve my energy. LOL! I just have no idea what to say! She's been buying silver...LOTS of silver because "the government is going to take our gold like when Roosevelt did it...you know because Obama is a thief like Roosevelt" What would I say to that?! There are no words. So ya...I'm quiet. I dare not speak politics. She's reading "The Help" right now. I think maybe I will read that so that we have something to talk about.
Alright...sound bites coming I promise!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Day 72.
I joined a liquid diet discussion board. Like I didn't have enough to do already! It's interesting. I so far have only posted shake recipes and asked for some in return. I got a english toffee peanut butter shake and a hazelnut mocha recipe. There is a pina colada shake recipe but I don't know about that one.
Weigh in last night 178. I'm in the 170's! So some weird things, that aren't so weird because I've been here and done this, but still.
Sound bites from last night here we go!
Okay. That's if for today. I will have more sound bites for tomorrow.
Weigh in last night 178. I'm in the 170's! So some weird things, that aren't so weird because I've been here and done this, but still.
- I'm freezing! Especially after a shake...I mean like cold down to the mother freakin bone! I think I may bring in a blanket or start wearing pants! CHRIST! I hate AC!
- I'm hungry (hey that's new) I didn't experience this until I was at 150 last time...I'm hungry every 2 hours. My stomach actually growls...oh hello tummy long time no hear from! I actually get hunger headaches.
- Here is the bad one and I think I need to talk to the docs about this one. I feel faint. UG! If I bend over and come up fast LORD HELP ME! The black starts coming from the sides and I'm looking through a tunnel.
Sound bites from last night here we go!
- You can never get enough of something you don't need in the first place (this is regarding food, but I think I can put this in place in a lot of areas)
- If happiness comes from food you need to pull back and reassess what makes you happy.
- Check out this book (I've heard of it) When food is love by Geneen Roth
- Yoda quote do or do not there is no try (again in relation to dieting and exercise...just do it basically)
- Accept help...don't be afraid to say : you know that program I was in where I lost all that weight? I'm about to undo it all because I can't get a dozen donuts off my mind!
- Consider going to OA after the program (hmmm seems like I'm ahead of the game...of course I only have the books I don't do the meetings because then I'd have a problem!)
Okay. That's if for today. I will have more sound bites for tomorrow.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Day 71
Weigh in tonight. I'm on my period so I don't expect anything significant. I was weighing myself everyday, but I've stopped that...it's not a good habit to get into (a bit neurotic) I did weigh myself this morning (I will continue to weigh the morning of weigh day) I do this because at night when I weigh myself fully clothed the scale at my class is some times 8 pounds different! That can get discouraging...so I like the number I see in the morning better. Today it said 174. I'm in a size 14, but I've been wearing some of my size 16 clothes. They are loose and comfy. Not the pants just the shorts (the pants are way too big and fall off...yay!) The shorts need to be pulled up occasionally but they aren't as heavy as the pants.
If I keep loosing weight at this rate I may not have lost the amount I set out to lose by the 20 weeks. I think because I'm older it comes off slower. I'm okay with continuing the classes after 20 weeks, but hopefully I won't have to. I do have flabby skin in my tummy region and a little in the arms (there is still plenty of fat in the arm areas) John said if my callanetics don't get rid of it I may need to surgically get it taken off....I'm going back to the butt kicker video! I tried it last week and it hurt to breath for 2 days! Best to get back on the horse though.
I'm really concerned about exercise...I have no drive whatsoever to do it. Occasionally I get on my bike and read and ride for 10 to 15 minutes, but it's only occasionally. I need to find some kind of incentive or accountability measure for that. I want to exercise but at the end of the day I just want to be a blob!
My work stuff has changed dramatically. I'm doing my job, plus the senate, plus the union and now I'm doing a job that I used to do full time...when I transferred to my area I trained someone else to do it and she has managed to FUCK IT UP royally, so I now have it back. Doing 2 full time jobs plus everything else...I don't have time to eat (thank goodness I don't have to right now)
To answer your comment/question no I don't resent my sister for resenting me. It helps me understand her better. She has this guilt thing she lays on me and I'm finally at the age of 41 wising up to it. I'm finally saying nope...not going to own that...that's yours. I've given you examples before but this weekend she did it again at her birthday party. Terry asked me to do the decorations..so I ordered tables/linens/chairs. I picked up balloon centerpieces and mints to put on the tables...that was the extent of the decor. I had the tables/chairs/linens delivered. We never discussed what time I would arrive at the house...the party stated at 3. I called at 12:30 to say I would pick up the balloons at 1:30 and be there at 2...I had to leave that on the answering machine. I arrived at 2 balloons in hand. The tables were set up and mints on the tables (how nice) so I put the balloons on the table. Not much else to do as it was done for me and hubby. I asked sis if she wanted me to make margarita's she said yes, but then didn't really have a whole lot of mixers...I told her I had a bunch at my house from the karaoke parties she should have said something. She then went on this you didn't call kick..."We didn't know when you were coming"...I said I called at 12:30pm but no one answered...I left a message. Her answer: That was too late! We were out at 7:30am and bro in law was saying where I was, she's supposed to be doing this! I didn't feel like defending myself so I simply replied if there was a specific set up time I wish someone would have conveyed that to me when they assigned me the decorations...having all the information makes a lot of difference. In my mind I thought I probably would have asked for a different assignment if this one meant arriving 7 hours early to put 7 tables up in a yard, throw a table cloth over it and sprinkle it with mints. I really hoped she understood how ridiculous the entire thing was, but something tells me it didn't phase her. I was a little offended, but by the end of the night I was over it...it's not my mess (I'm cleaning that up on my own side of the street)...I can't be responsible for hers.
This weight loss slow down thing has got me in a little funk. I think I will measure myself tonight. A lot of times when I'm not losing pounds I'm losing inches.
If I keep loosing weight at this rate I may not have lost the amount I set out to lose by the 20 weeks. I think because I'm older it comes off slower. I'm okay with continuing the classes after 20 weeks, but hopefully I won't have to. I do have flabby skin in my tummy region and a little in the arms (there is still plenty of fat in the arm areas) John said if my callanetics don't get rid of it I may need to surgically get it taken off....I'm going back to the butt kicker video! I tried it last week and it hurt to breath for 2 days! Best to get back on the horse though.
I'm really concerned about exercise...I have no drive whatsoever to do it. Occasionally I get on my bike and read and ride for 10 to 15 minutes, but it's only occasionally. I need to find some kind of incentive or accountability measure for that. I want to exercise but at the end of the day I just want to be a blob!
My work stuff has changed dramatically. I'm doing my job, plus the senate, plus the union and now I'm doing a job that I used to do full time...when I transferred to my area I trained someone else to do it and she has managed to FUCK IT UP royally, so I now have it back. Doing 2 full time jobs plus everything else...I don't have time to eat (thank goodness I don't have to right now)
To answer your comment/question no I don't resent my sister for resenting me. It helps me understand her better. She has this guilt thing she lays on me and I'm finally at the age of 41 wising up to it. I'm finally saying nope...not going to own that...that's yours. I've given you examples before but this weekend she did it again at her birthday party. Terry asked me to do the decorations..so I ordered tables/linens/chairs. I picked up balloon centerpieces and mints to put on the tables...that was the extent of the decor. I had the tables/chairs/linens delivered. We never discussed what time I would arrive at the house...the party stated at 3. I called at 12:30 to say I would pick up the balloons at 1:30 and be there at 2...I had to leave that on the answering machine. I arrived at 2 balloons in hand. The tables were set up and mints on the tables (how nice) so I put the balloons on the table. Not much else to do as it was done for me and hubby. I asked sis if she wanted me to make margarita's she said yes, but then didn't really have a whole lot of mixers...I told her I had a bunch at my house from the karaoke parties she should have said something. She then went on this you didn't call kick..."We didn't know when you were coming"...I said I called at 12:30pm but no one answered...I left a message. Her answer: That was too late! We were out at 7:30am and bro in law was saying where I was, she's supposed to be doing this! I didn't feel like defending myself so I simply replied if there was a specific set up time I wish someone would have conveyed that to me when they assigned me the decorations...having all the information makes a lot of difference. In my mind I thought I probably would have asked for a different assignment if this one meant arriving 7 hours early to put 7 tables up in a yard, throw a table cloth over it and sprinkle it with mints. I really hoped she understood how ridiculous the entire thing was, but something tells me it didn't phase her. I was a little offended, but by the end of the night I was over it...it's not my mess (I'm cleaning that up on my own side of the street)...I can't be responsible for hers.
This weight loss slow down thing has got me in a little funk. I think I will measure myself tonight. A lot of times when I'm not losing pounds I'm losing inches.
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