I have no idea what I weigh. I thought I would have some idea, but the wii is confused...it said I lost 6 pounds the other day. I handed hubby my weigh sheet he said I'm NOT under 200 pounds, but then he said I lost 20 pounds. Then that means I'm under 200. Very confused, but it's not running me. My sister on the other hand is not liking it at all. She came right out and said I DISAGREE with this numbers things. I think you should know! More like she thinks she should know. Last night she said if you have lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks your not going to make it to the 20 weeks. I said I don't know what I've lost, but I know toward the end you don't lose as much as fast...everything slows down.
I have sound bites from both the OA book and class but I wanted to talk about one strange thing I learned about myself in class and I will blog about the sound bites on another day next week.
Okay so we were talking about communication and I discovered something I do and something I am. First what I do. I play a game of battle of the bummers. John has a bad day at work. I beat with oh ya?! Wait til you hear about MY day! Then I strip from him his right to be upset about his day...worse, what I am. I'm a doer/fixer and if John tells me something bad about his day and I can't fix it (which is virtually every bad day he has had) I disconnect! I can't fix it...I can't help you...I'm powerless...I'm out. Why do I do that!? It's awful its like if I can't win battle of the bummers...I don't want to play...I'm taking my ball and I'm going home.
Here is something else. I'm a people pleasing fixer. I run around trying to solve everyone's problems...whether they want me to or not. Then I am exhausted. So I convince myself that I need food to regain my energy! It's one of the reasons I eat so much. What it really is...is me filling a void in me with food...the void is the need to have my needs met. We did an exercise and we were supposed to tell our partner what we needed. I asked her to go first...she wanted me to go first...I told her what I needed was for her to go first...when she told me her need I had a solution for her! How sad is that. I don't even know I have needs and I've convinced myself that my needs are to fulfill everyone Else's need!
So that is what I've learned this week in the reader's digest format. Sound bites to follow and possible a back fat update pic (warning the fat is still there!)
3 comments:
How do you feel about what you learned?
I think I appreciate Kitty for this:
She says she knew that Dante had some form of a neurological issue (aspbergers, ADD, whatever) and mentioned to me once. I blew her off and she didn't hit me over the head with it.
She told me once that because our mom was a co-dependent we would most likely have those tendencies. I blew her off, thinking no way I could be that way.
When I realized that yes, I am the poster child for co-dependency and yes my child has a neurological issue rather than say she told me so, she's supporting me.
What I don't know is how I feel about being co-dependent, so I'm interested to know how you feel about being a people-pleasing-fixer? Do you think it's something you can change? Something you want to change? Something others have noticed? What does John do when you play the Battle of the Bummers game? Does he realize you play it?
I'm pretty interested in this. Maybe It will help me figure out how to feel about whether or not I can change my co-dependency.
And mentioned before...back fat doesn't scare me. BRING IT ON!!!
I'm excited about what I've learned but I want to learn more and I want to know it yesterday! I've known I was co-dependent for a very long time. I've kept little things in my wallet reminding me that I can't be everything to everyone, but boy do I try!
There is a book called co-dependent no more. It's great but you need to use it (own it, personalize it, make it yours) When I read that I feel grounded and "healthier".
John just learned recently that I play battle of the bummers I didn't realize I did it until my class, but now that I do...I'm stopping it. He didn't have a name for it and he didn't even realize what impact it had, but it certainly wasn't a good one!
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