Just a quick note on the program...I'm doing great. I have a ton of energy. I'm not hungry...I don't have cravings and I don't feel deprived. It's really easy. Taking all the work out of making good decisions by removing the decisions is a snap. The real work will be in October.
Okay so meeting soundbites. I'm taking notes in the meeting and in my reading. Here are a few things that stuck with me. In my reading I read that it is important to be assertive and vocalize my need, but be specific about what I want and don't send mixed messages. I can relate to that. A good example is dinner and going out. I need to basically say I don't want to go to a restaurant unless it is a place where I can make healthy choices and then when I get there don't complain that I can't have a burger. Makes sense.
In my class I wrote these key phrases down :
Setting boundaries (ask myself will this benefit me or someone else? And no self talk by saying it will benefit me by helping someone else...I tend to put everyone before me)
Now is the time to ask myself "How did I get here?"
There is no casual relationship with food!
Lastly, I need to figure out what I'm rebelling against. I can say that when I eat alone I'm feeling defiant. If I'm hurt I eat...but it's kind of like I'll show you! Only it ends up being I'll show ME! What the heck is that about? So I need to get down to that. That's my homework I think. In the book I'm about to read about refusing someone (especially someone you care about). That looks interesting!
Talk to you soon!
6 comments:
Glad you're not hungry! I'm usually not hungry, but I find I eat three times a day anyway. Gotta watch out for that in October! 40 years of ingrained eating habits to sift through.
Do you think it's just some moms, or do most moms put others before themselves? I do that too, but I think we might both have co-dependent tendencies. I hear I learned mine from my mom. Where'd you learn yours?
Rebellion is an intriguing idea. What could you be rebelling against? Age? Love? Sex? Society (I can be old, loved, and have sex no matter what size I am?) I'm interested to hear your thoughts on that!
I definitely have co-dependent tendencies. I went to ala-non for years. I'm not sure where they came from. My sister describes my mom as the child and her as the parent. I don't know if that was part of it. My mom wasn't an alcoholic, but she had addictive traits. I do to. Not to drugs, but just random things in general...for me it turned to food. You can't exactly quit food though.
The rebellion thing has been perplexing to me...it really does feel like I'm setting up and organized revolt when I compulsively eat, but what the hell am I protesting?! It's very odd. I've even told myself it was compulsive if I planned to buy a whole pint of ice cream and eat it until I was sick, how can you plan to be compulsive? I do think I'm perhaps rebelling against myself. As for being old, loved and have sex...so what if I don't get sex...that's what the toys are for right?! I think it also might me a fear of letting someone get close to me...with a nice layer fat to protect me, no one can get too close for comfort right?
Have you let John get close to you? I am going to assume the answer is yes, but your comment suggest the answer can possibly be not as close as you'd like.
A pint of ice cream all for me is LOVE not rebellion!!! Maybe not all in one sitting tho...maybe half in the AM and the other half in the PM.
TOYS!!! You crack me up!!!
John is as close as any one can get really, but it's not as close as I know my potential to be close is. Sometimes he'll finish my sentence and it bugs me...I say to myself you don't KNOW ME!? Then reality sets in and I realize he does know me AND he's got my number. I think it's accepting that he is so close is more of the issue. If I admit he's close enough to hurt...I could get hurt how will I detach from that?!
That's very interesting. And I see a pattern. The detachment is a defense mechanism. For sure. I guess the first step is to ask yourself: If what I'm willing to loose by opening up fully to John is worth the debilitating pain of being hurt if he somehow (which I don't see happening) hurts you?
Again, many movies about the girl who's shut down because she's not willing to be hurt by love and when she's vulnerable and open, love comes walking in (thanks Van Halen!) the door and that's all she wrote.
What do you have to loose?
The better question is what am I losing by detaching?
I don't get to feel angry, sad or happy when its resolved. I don't learn the skills to resolve.
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