Here is the situation. I heard of a new operation like lapband, but no port called the sleeve. I was excited and my doctor said I was OBESE! I don't really feel obese. I feel overweight, but I think Kaiser is a little crazy. Anyway I had to make an appointment with Positive Choice to get referred to even HEAR about the sleeve.
Positive Choice is where I went for Optifast. That diet literally made me NUTS! I'm going to go into that more on a different day, but by the end of it all I had a raging eating disorder and body image disorder. When I got to PC they said I would never qualify for the sleeve or lapband for that matter...I'm obese in Kaiser's eyes, but not obese enough. So we sat and talked about Optifast. I explained what happened and they explained how things should have gone. I missed the Psycho stuff A LOT and I never did the maintenance because I started working at a college.
Skip to now. I'm not happy with the way I look...I don't hate it, but I'm not okay with weighing what I do. I have tried Atkins and it's fine, but it gets old AND when I lose the weight (like I did in 2006) there's nothing to do but ATKINS! No carbs...ever again. That's maintenance. I did weight watchers. I seriously hate that. I think it's a diet where people just meet to talk about how much they can eat without gaining weight. I've never met a normal person in weight watchers. I've tried others too, but those are the biggies I did over the years.
So why Optifast now. I've never been happier in my life with every other aspect of my life. When I did it before I was unhappy with my life, work, relationship...oh ya, and my body...I think I did the diet hoping it would miraculously change my whole life...it did, but not in the way I expected or envisioned it. So now I think I'm doing it for the right reasons. I want to have the endurance I once had to run up stairs, swim out during a dive, or just keep up going up hills. I don't like my sugar levels bordering on diabetes and I don't like looking at BACK FAT...that is not okay.
So here is the plan...first only you can see this. I thought about all the people I know...all the people I'm close to and you are the only person I would tell EVERYTHING to. When I say everything; I'm talking pictures, weight numbers, psycho shit. Serious. John doesn't even know what my true weight is and my sister has NEVER seen me naked and never will if I can help it. It's not so much a secret from John...I tell him almost everything, but weight numbers and pictures of back fat is so not sexy and I try to keep it sexy. :o) I plan to blog almost every day. 1. for accountability 2. to be honest with myself (I am an amazing self talker...I'm pretty good at talking others into things too) 3. I need someone who knows me to call me crazy when and if I go crazy...cuz losing weight is not so important if I lose my dang mind!
So what do you think? Are you in?
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