Well, it's back to the drawing board. Since 2013 I have managed to gain 25 pounds. I gained about 15 over the past few years and just went up and down. I was okay with it all because it was all still manageable.
The gaining began when I left low-carbing and went full vegan. I loved the way I felt. Well...I loved the way I felt until I discovered I had a vitamin B12 deficiency. It was caught late so it was severe. I was getting vertigo. By the time I discovered it no amount of B12 was going to fix where my body was. I introduced milk and eggs. That's when the gain really began. I could still keep up with it but it was hard.
Then I bought out my sister's share of our house and the remodel took over my life. There was no time to cook. There was a delay in the start of our kitchen remodel. Our kitchen guy didn't want to be stumbling over our office remodel guy. We chose not to unpack the kitchen knowing we would soon have to repack it. We had no idea that the rest of the house would take over a month to complete. (It's still not complete but I can't handle not having a kitchen). So the kitchen remodel has begun and we are 80% there. I have no stove, oven or microwave. They arrive Thursday..BUT if the electrician doesn't come before then there is nothing for those appliances to plug into! That's okay. I have been literally two months without a kitchen. Two months without a single meal eaten or served in my house...except if I brought pizza home. I have had fast food two times in those two months. The rest of the time it is at restaurants.
While my bank account is going down my weight has gone up 10 pounds. I can attribute stress to some of that but mostly it's me not being in control of my eating environment.
So I joined Weight Watchers. I joined the personal coaching option. I don't know how all of it works really so I'm learning on the go. I've downloaded the app and I'm tracking my food and activity. I am definitely more active when I need to log it. That's a nice accountability tool.
Lets see how it goes. I really don't want to go back to a liquid diet. I didn't gain all of my weight back...but when I started Optifast I was 216. I'm 190 now and that's a little too close for comfort in my mind. I'm motivate so I think I will be okay; that being said I have two big vacations next month so I am sure I will need some help!
Monday, February 22, 2016
Thursday, August 29, 2013
How am I doing?
Just thought I would touch base and give a little update. I still fit in a few of my size 10's. I am most comfortable in 12's, but then again I'm not okay with being in my 12's!
I don't weigh myself, but 1 time at the beginning of the month. My eating plan is regimented, but versatile. I avoid processed sugar and flour 90% of the time. I'm in a good place where I can allow myself to go nuts 1 day a month and eat what I want...I call it a planned binge. I've learned that if I accidentally eat something that has sugar or flour; that is NOT the day to do the planned binge! I don't reward myself for making mistakes and then guilt myself into later making more mistakes because I made the first mistake. I'm human, fallible and I accept that!
Eating plan is basically Atkins for a month, vegetarian the next. It's a great balance for me. (with my all or nothing attitude it works!)
Exercise is in moderation. I do a run a month. I sprained both my ankles at an obstacle course run in May. I'm not doing any of those. I ran/walked a color run last weekend and had a great time. Mostly just fun runs and I am making them truly fun runs! I go to the gym about 3 times per week...more if I can, but I am happy with 3 times. I take the stairs whenever I can and I walk with my co-workers around the neighborhood most days at work (equals one mile of steep hills and stairs) I'm drenched in sweat when its done and I have learned to love that feeling. (soaked in sweat and not caring!)
I can post my weight at the end of this week or beginning of next.
The important thing now...I'm not OBESE and I'm happy with me and my life decisions. I'm in a place that is foreign and refreshing. No anxiety meds, no meds at all in fact...Just healthy!
I don't weigh myself, but 1 time at the beginning of the month. My eating plan is regimented, but versatile. I avoid processed sugar and flour 90% of the time. I'm in a good place where I can allow myself to go nuts 1 day a month and eat what I want...I call it a planned binge. I've learned that if I accidentally eat something that has sugar or flour; that is NOT the day to do the planned binge! I don't reward myself for making mistakes and then guilt myself into later making more mistakes because I made the first mistake. I'm human, fallible and I accept that!
Eating plan is basically Atkins for a month, vegetarian the next. It's a great balance for me. (with my all or nothing attitude it works!)
Exercise is in moderation. I do a run a month. I sprained both my ankles at an obstacle course run in May. I'm not doing any of those. I ran/walked a color run last weekend and had a great time. Mostly just fun runs and I am making them truly fun runs! I go to the gym about 3 times per week...more if I can, but I am happy with 3 times. I take the stairs whenever I can and I walk with my co-workers around the neighborhood most days at work (equals one mile of steep hills and stairs) I'm drenched in sweat when its done and I have learned to love that feeling. (soaked in sweat and not caring!)
I can post my weight at the end of this week or beginning of next.
The important thing now...I'm not OBESE and I'm happy with me and my life decisions. I'm in a place that is foreign and refreshing. No anxiety meds, no meds at all in fact...Just healthy!
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Have I mentioned I have the coolest doctor EVAR?
So I went to see my doctor last Tuesday. I had not had a physical in three years. I figured now was a good time. I go for my mammograms and paps in a different department. I leave my primary care responsible for my occasional raynaud's freak out or...what the hell is that thing on my back?! A freckle you say...well thank you.
He came in the room and sat down. You are here for a physical? I said yep. He said okay well I read your chart. Before the weight loss we ran a bunch of tests. They were all low. Low HDL, LDL, cholesterol, BP, your sugars tend to be low and high. Thyroid fine. The only thing that was high was your weight and your anxiety levels.
He said he would order the test again and see what has changed. I said would it bake your noodle if all my test came back looking sh***?! He said nope...I'm actually half expecting it. He said he's seen people who came in overweight and unhealthy improve their numbers after losing 10% of there weight. He has seen people come in overweight and healthy come back after losing 10% and their blood pressure and cholesterol was a mess. Not sugars. Those stayed low with the weight loss. I said why do you think that is? He said "I believe everyone has a certain set point. A place where their body is most healthy...if that number is higher than the BMI standard then its high, but if you are healthy at that weight and not healthy when you go below that weight that is something to really think about."
I said I believe when someone goes on a diet and they plateau that I think that is your body saying...STOP...this is where I'm supposed to be. I think that is why getting past the plateau is such a struggle. It's you fighting...you! He said he had never thought of that and that it sounded very logical.
He then said the better question for you is what will it do to your noodle if your numbers come back looking shi***? I said I'm not going to gain weight for that. I would ask you if you could refer me to a nutritionist. Maybe the way I'm keeping my weight off is unhealthy. I'm doing low carb you know. That's very controversial. He said low carb was fine and if he sent me to a nutritionist they would most likely put me on some kind of meal plan with limited complex carbs.
He's pretty cool.
He came in the room and sat down. You are here for a physical? I said yep. He said okay well I read your chart. Before the weight loss we ran a bunch of tests. They were all low. Low HDL, LDL, cholesterol, BP, your sugars tend to be low and high. Thyroid fine. The only thing that was high was your weight and your anxiety levels.
He said he would order the test again and see what has changed. I said would it bake your noodle if all my test came back looking sh***?! He said nope...I'm actually half expecting it. He said he's seen people who came in overweight and unhealthy improve their numbers after losing 10% of there weight. He has seen people come in overweight and healthy come back after losing 10% and their blood pressure and cholesterol was a mess. Not sugars. Those stayed low with the weight loss. I said why do you think that is? He said "I believe everyone has a certain set point. A place where their body is most healthy...if that number is higher than the BMI standard then its high, but if you are healthy at that weight and not healthy when you go below that weight that is something to really think about."
I said I believe when someone goes on a diet and they plateau that I think that is your body saying...STOP...this is where I'm supposed to be. I think that is why getting past the plateau is such a struggle. It's you fighting...you! He said he had never thought of that and that it sounded very logical.
He then said the better question for you is what will it do to your noodle if your numbers come back looking shi***? I said I'm not going to gain weight for that. I would ask you if you could refer me to a nutritionist. Maybe the way I'm keeping my weight off is unhealthy. I'm doing low carb you know. That's very controversial. He said low carb was fine and if he sent me to a nutritionist they would most likely put me on some kind of meal plan with limited complex carbs.
He's pretty cool.
Day 51 (not sure how this and day 36 got out of order so much!)
So the beginning of the class was very loosy goosy. Only 11 out of the 20 people were in class. 6 have officially dropped out.
Counselor talked about what if some of us have a gluten intolerance. I know I have a carb intolerance...I'm just better when I don't have carbs. Carbs make me nuts! I told her that I thought about trying the atkins maintenance when we go back to food...she didn't think that was a bad idea at all. Carbs are like an abusive boyfriend and I'm the enabler. They are so bad for me but I'm like a moth to a flame when I have them.
Familiar girl was there, but she was in a mood. She blurted out that "this was not working for her"..."I don't get THIS!" When asked for clarification, such as was she talking about the diet or the group she said "All of it. One day I'm on then I'm off and I don't get THIS! I don't know what ketosis even is" To all of us in the class it was as if she was speaking Chinese. What did she mean I'm on then I'm off...could she be talking about the shakes?! How do you go on and off that!? Who would do that...3 days of hell if you go off shakes and then go back on! It was very confusing. Then the counselor got into the group project...the meat and potatoes of the program...
ACE (adverse childhood experience)
http://www.acestudy.org/files/AR-V1N4.pdf
10 little questions...The higher the ACE Score, the greater the likelihood
that multiple, negative outcomes...basically attribute to co-morbidity, obesity, heart issues and other good stuff. Highest score between 7-8, I was 6. How nice. Women who have been sexually abused have a higher correlation.
Then we were asked if our parentS (both) resembled safe, consistent and structure. That's a big no. If we don't have that we are constantly dancing around the inconsistent parent wondering is she or he in a good mood, is it safe? We are so busy taking an emotion temperature that we don't learn how to feel our own feelings.
I talked about my mom. I said it wasn't my mom's fault, she wasn't very nurturing...I needed more than she could give. I was soft, emotional and needy. My mom was strong, unemotional and hard. Counselor put something on the board that resembled my mom and I.
Counselor talked about what if some of us have a gluten intolerance. I know I have a carb intolerance...I'm just better when I don't have carbs. Carbs make me nuts! I told her that I thought about trying the atkins maintenance when we go back to food...she didn't think that was a bad idea at all. Carbs are like an abusive boyfriend and I'm the enabler. They are so bad for me but I'm like a moth to a flame when I have them.
Familiar girl was there, but she was in a mood. She blurted out that "this was not working for her"..."I don't get THIS!" When asked for clarification, such as was she talking about the diet or the group she said "All of it. One day I'm on then I'm off and I don't get THIS! I don't know what ketosis even is" To all of us in the class it was as if she was speaking Chinese. What did she mean I'm on then I'm off...could she be talking about the shakes?! How do you go on and off that!? Who would do that...3 days of hell if you go off shakes and then go back on! It was very confusing. Then the counselor got into the group project...the meat and potatoes of the program...
ACE (adverse childhood experience)
http://www.acestudy.org/files/AR-V1N4.pdf
10 little questions...The higher the ACE Score, the greater the likelihood
that multiple, negative outcomes...basically attribute to co-morbidity, obesity, heart issues and other good stuff. Highest score between 7-8, I was 6. How nice. Women who have been sexually abused have a higher correlation.
Then we were asked if our parentS (both) resembled safe, consistent and structure. That's a big no. If we don't have that we are constantly dancing around the inconsistent parent wondering is she or he in a good mood, is it safe? We are so busy taking an emotion temperature that we don't learn how to feel our own feelings.
I talked about my mom. I said it wasn't my mom's fault, she wasn't very nurturing...I needed more than she could give. I was soft, emotional and needy. My mom was strong, unemotional and hard. Counselor put something on the board that resembled my mom and I.
Then she asked all of us what we liked best about our family when we were growing up. I liked the community. I had a big family (cousins, aunts, grandparents) and they were all within an hour away. We had great family celebrations (still do).
Then she asked what I liked least. I didn't like the conflict. First it was my mom and sister they fought A LOT, my mom threw my sister's bong at her head once. It was loud, chaotic and scary. Then when I got a little older it was me and my sister. She'd punch me in the stomach...not exactly a fair fight. Then when I got older it was mom and me. She hit me a few times...the last time she ever hit me I was pregnant and I moved in with my sister.
The last thing my counselor suggested appreciate all that is wonderful about me...and make a list. I'll do that on another day.
As class ended familiar girl was in tears. I went and sat by her and told her what I had shared the week before. She cried opened up and said she had a horrible childhood. She gave details. Her mother too had issues showing affection and now she was not showing affection to her 12 year old daughter. She worried it was too late. She was in a bad place. We talked for over a half an hour; we cried and when it was done she said she would come back next week...because I told her this was the best thing she could do for herself and her daughter. I wonder if I will see her next week.
Day 36 (This is really out of order!) The post seems to have moved!
I'll go over sound bites another day. I'm spent.
What a class. The counselor shared and someone in class shared. We were discussing "Steps to Handle Feelings". The steps were easy enough, but then we got to the point where we identified exaggerated feelings and we need to inventory that and see if it wasn't from a past experience. The counselor shared that she has anxiety of being alone and abandoned. My ears perked up (perhaps this is why she recommended counseling for me...she could relate) She said that at the age of 6 she was a latch key kid. I was a latch key kid. She talked about how she felt...scared, abandoned, ashamed (wait ashamed?) left out, less than (her mom working was more important than her daughter's safety). I suddenly felt very sad. I understood the ashamed. When my mom left me alone at night to go to her boyfriend and my friend's house I would feel ashamed...I must have did something to make my mom want to spend time with him and C and not me...why did she want to see C and him over me? So sad. Then out of nowhere the girl that thinks she recognizes me and I recognize her spoke up. She said when she was a child her mom was shot in the face! I completely shut down at that point...one after another and it was like this is YOUR life only sex reversal! My dad was shot in the face. Her mom lived.... I thought I was okay.
I left class, got in the car, drove to the stop light away from the building and cried and cried, like vocal crying. I always say of my childhood my mom did the best she could with what she had. Hubby once chimed in with but her best wasn't good enough...I resented him for saying that. Looking at the whole thing he's right. It wasn't good enough. It's hard to say with her gone...I don't like to think that way, but I need to I need to figure me out and that means looking at what happened and how I felt about how my mom was with me. She was a different person after she got sick and when she died and I loved that new person. Before that was the mom I had and that...that wasn't good enough...I needed more.
When I got home I found out that hubby RSVP'd for a birthday that I purposely did not answer. I knew it was the same night as my brother in law's birthday and sis is horrible about last minute planning. Earlier in the week Bro in lawhad said he was celebrating his birthday with sis in August I was going to RSVP to our friends birthday but remembered you were in town so I waited to see if you wanted to do anything. Finding out hubby RSVP'd caused a bit of anxiety. I had to call sos who earlier in the day asked me to have dinner for bro in law's birthday. I knew I was hanging with you Saturday night so I said it would just be hubby, me and youngest son and I'm not eating. When I called later last night after class to say hubby made other plans that I was not aware of when I spoke to her earlier and that I was very sorry she gave a loud sigh and said its okay. I said I hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience...she said I just have a lot of food and I've been cooking all day. I hung up feeling awful and then thought how much food would she have extra for just 2 less months? She was making carnitas. I still feel bad because that's what I do.
What a class. The counselor shared and someone in class shared. We were discussing "Steps to Handle Feelings". The steps were easy enough, but then we got to the point where we identified exaggerated feelings and we need to inventory that and see if it wasn't from a past experience. The counselor shared that she has anxiety of being alone and abandoned. My ears perked up (perhaps this is why she recommended counseling for me...she could relate) She said that at the age of 6 she was a latch key kid. I was a latch key kid. She talked about how she felt...scared, abandoned, ashamed (wait ashamed?) left out, less than (her mom working was more important than her daughter's safety). I suddenly felt very sad. I understood the ashamed. When my mom left me alone at night to go to her boyfriend and my friend's house I would feel ashamed...I must have did something to make my mom want to spend time with him and C and not me...why did she want to see C and him over me? So sad. Then out of nowhere the girl that thinks she recognizes me and I recognize her spoke up. She said when she was a child her mom was shot in the face! I completely shut down at that point...one after another and it was like this is YOUR life only sex reversal! My dad was shot in the face. Her mom lived.... I thought I was okay.
I left class, got in the car, drove to the stop light away from the building and cried and cried, like vocal crying. I always say of my childhood my mom did the best she could with what she had. Hubby once chimed in with but her best wasn't good enough...I resented him for saying that. Looking at the whole thing he's right. It wasn't good enough. It's hard to say with her gone...I don't like to think that way, but I need to I need to figure me out and that means looking at what happened and how I felt about how my mom was with me. She was a different person after she got sick and when she died and I loved that new person. Before that was the mom I had and that...that wasn't good enough...I needed more.
When I got home I found out that hubby RSVP'd for a birthday that I purposely did not answer. I knew it was the same night as my brother in law's birthday and sis is horrible about last minute planning. Earlier in the week Bro in lawhad said he was celebrating his birthday with sis in August I was going to RSVP to our friends birthday but remembered you were in town so I waited to see if you wanted to do anything. Finding out hubby RSVP'd caused a bit of anxiety. I had to call sos who earlier in the day asked me to have dinner for bro in law's birthday. I knew I was hanging with you Saturday night so I said it would just be hubby, me and youngest son and I'm not eating. When I called later last night after class to say hubby made other plans that I was not aware of when I spoke to her earlier and that I was very sorry she gave a loud sigh and said its okay. I said I hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience...she said I just have a lot of food and I've been cooking all day. I hung up feeling awful and then thought how much food would she have extra for just 2 less months? She was making carnitas. I still feel bad because that's what I do.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Today is weigh day...ugh!
I don't weigh myself every day. I weigh myself on Monday evening (not morning). When I would go to the doctor and get on the scale I was always discouraged at my weight. My morning weight was SUBSTANTIALLY less. I'm talking like over a five pound difference. So I decided I would weigh at night so I could be realistic. Clothes on and after the weekend. This has held me accountable over the weekends. I'm not too worried about it. Things are good in the department.
Pregnant daughter keeps sending us text messages asking who our florist was, how much was our photographer...where was that place in Balboa Park called that you liked before you picked the Sheraton. We answer, but deep in my heart I am scared for us. We are not going to be giving her much money for this wedding. Realistically it can't happen. You don't give someone 4 months to come up with a huge wedding...and to top that most dads aren't still paying child support and pay for a wedding. Lastly it would be irresponsible for us to throw a lavish wedding for her when we know she is going to need more support for that baby. My fear is that when we explain that we are only contributing so much she is going to try to guilt us by saying her mom and his mom are paying and that's not fair! Then she'll stop talking to us when the guilt doesn't work...or the guilt will work and at that point I will throw my hands up. Either way it's on my mind a lot. My anxiety levels are at an all time high. I actually think I had a mini panic attack last week. I was thinking about it all... Oldest daughter and her crap, Youngest daughter and her drama, step son's mom and her "I'm going to Japan oh wait I'm moving next door (pretty much)", oldest son living with ex and youngest son refusing to leave his room and being allergic to Mondays. It all was so heavy on my shoulders that my heart started to pound so hard I thought it would leave my chest. Just writing it all down right now my heart is beating uncomfortably hard.
Youngest daughter came this weekend. She had the "feel sorry for me" attitude. Lots of mom is focusing on oldest daughter ...I don't exist. I don't have dinner unless I cook it myself. Living with mom is horrible. At one point hubby said you have choices. You could live with us. My heart raced. She of course changed the subject. She doesn't want to leave her school. She does however want to move in when she graduates. Hubby said that was okay, but that she had to be a full time student or work full time and pay rent. Either way under our roof we claim her on our taxes. She was fine with that. Hubby told me and I'm fine with it too, but it made me a little sad.
Hubby and I had a plan when the kids all graduate high school. We would move to Clairemont either build up my moms house or move to a place called Fox Bluffs. They are close to my work. I've always liked them. I showed them to Hubby and we agreed that when we did not need 4 rooms we would move there. Something tells me we will always need four rooms. I'm never moving back to Clairemont. Oh well...I guess it wasn't meant to be.
Pregnant daughter keeps sending us text messages asking who our florist was, how much was our photographer...where was that place in Balboa Park called that you liked before you picked the Sheraton. We answer, but deep in my heart I am scared for us. We are not going to be giving her much money for this wedding. Realistically it can't happen. You don't give someone 4 months to come up with a huge wedding...and to top that most dads aren't still paying child support and pay for a wedding. Lastly it would be irresponsible for us to throw a lavish wedding for her when we know she is going to need more support for that baby. My fear is that when we explain that we are only contributing so much she is going to try to guilt us by saying her mom and his mom are paying and that's not fair! Then she'll stop talking to us when the guilt doesn't work...or the guilt will work and at that point I will throw my hands up. Either way it's on my mind a lot. My anxiety levels are at an all time high. I actually think I had a mini panic attack last week. I was thinking about it all... Oldest daughter and her crap, Youngest daughter and her drama, step son's mom and her "I'm going to Japan oh wait I'm moving next door (pretty much)", oldest son living with ex and youngest son refusing to leave his room and being allergic to Mondays. It all was so heavy on my shoulders that my heart started to pound so hard I thought it would leave my chest. Just writing it all down right now my heart is beating uncomfortably hard.
Youngest daughter came this weekend. She had the "feel sorry for me" attitude. Lots of mom is focusing on oldest daughter ...I don't exist. I don't have dinner unless I cook it myself. Living with mom is horrible. At one point hubby said you have choices. You could live with us. My heart raced. She of course changed the subject. She doesn't want to leave her school. She does however want to move in when she graduates. Hubby said that was okay, but that she had to be a full time student or work full time and pay rent. Either way under our roof we claim her on our taxes. She was fine with that. Hubby told me and I'm fine with it too, but it made me a little sad.
Hubby and I had a plan when the kids all graduate high school. We would move to Clairemont either build up my moms house or move to a place called Fox Bluffs. They are close to my work. I've always liked them. I showed them to Hubby and we agreed that when we did not need 4 rooms we would move there. Something tells me we will always need four rooms. I'm never moving back to Clairemont. Oh well...I guess it wasn't meant to be.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Food and Life
Life has been nothing but a big stress ball! I suppose it could be worse and I am constantly looking for the bright side.
My kid drives a freakin motorcycle (bad thing). Broke up with his girlfriend (which was a good thing) and started seeing a girl who had a boyfriend (bad thing)...now they are just friends (all of them) (good thing). He just decided to rent a two-bed apartment in PB with my ex(not sure what to make of this good/bad). step daughter is due in April (bad), Is getting married in June (bad) Thinks we are going to pay for a huge wedding that she describes as small (bad) She just got her learner's permit (good?)...she and youngest daughter got them at the same time. They did not ask for help from Hubby. Now because Hubby had nothing to do with it they are (successfully) guilting him into things like driving our mini!(bad) Asking for money to pay for driver training (indifferent). The sad thing is they really don't come over unless they want something. It's a horrible thing to say...but as far as I can see it...it's true.
Where do I fit into that? I don't. I don't want to be the evil step mom that can't say a nice thing about her step daughters. The more I am exposed to them...the more I get angry how they treat their dad. I could bottle it up, but then it's death by a million paper cuts all over again. I try to limit my exposure but then it looks like I'm avoiding them and in doing so I'm avoiding hubby too.
I'm on low carb this month. It's not horrible...but I could really use a piece of bread! When food is this restricted (low carb) I can really see how I emotionally eat. I often find myself going to the pantry (there is absolutely nothing in there for me) to snack on just something. When I realize there is nothing I can eat in there I stop and do a little self inventory...I'm almost never hungry...I'm just stressed. I sure do like to eat my pain away.
Life is changing everywhere I look. Oldest son is living with ex. Youngest son is in his room (it's that time... puberty sucks), the girls are growing up and away like a kite connected to hubby's wallet and step son may be coming back to California...the only down side to that is his cray cray mama is coming too. She usually keeps to herself though. My relationship with my sister is nearly non existent. I'm running on...literally.
My only fear is that I will replace food with activity...most nutritionist and health pros would say that's not a bad trade, but as they say..."all things in moderation".
My kid drives a freakin motorcycle (bad thing). Broke up with his girlfriend (which was a good thing) and started seeing a girl who had a boyfriend (bad thing)...now they are just friends (all of them) (good thing). He just decided to rent a two-bed apartment in PB with my ex(not sure what to make of this good/bad). step daughter is due in April (bad), Is getting married in June (bad) Thinks we are going to pay for a huge wedding that she describes as small (bad) She just got her learner's permit (good?)...she and youngest daughter got them at the same time. They did not ask for help from Hubby. Now because Hubby had nothing to do with it they are (successfully) guilting him into things like driving our mini!(bad) Asking for money to pay for driver training (indifferent). The sad thing is they really don't come over unless they want something. It's a horrible thing to say...but as far as I can see it...it's true.
Where do I fit into that? I don't. I don't want to be the evil step mom that can't say a nice thing about her step daughters. The more I am exposed to them...the more I get angry how they treat their dad. I could bottle it up, but then it's death by a million paper cuts all over again. I try to limit my exposure but then it looks like I'm avoiding them and in doing so I'm avoiding hubby too.
I'm on low carb this month. It's not horrible...but I could really use a piece of bread! When food is this restricted (low carb) I can really see how I emotionally eat. I often find myself going to the pantry (there is absolutely nothing in there for me) to snack on just something. When I realize there is nothing I can eat in there I stop and do a little self inventory...I'm almost never hungry...I'm just stressed. I sure do like to eat my pain away.
Life is changing everywhere I look. Oldest son is living with ex. Youngest son is in his room (it's that time... puberty sucks), the girls are growing up and away like a kite connected to hubby's wallet and step son may be coming back to California...the only down side to that is his cray cray mama is coming too. She usually keeps to herself though. My relationship with my sister is nearly non existent. I'm running on...literally.
My only fear is that I will replace food with activity...most nutritionist and health pros would say that's not a bad trade, but as they say..."all things in moderation".
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