Counselor talked about what if some of us have a gluten intolerance. I know I have a carb intolerance...I'm just better when I don't have carbs. Carbs make me nuts! I told her that I thought about trying the atkins maintenance when we go back to food...she didn't think that was a bad idea at all. Carbs are like an abusive boyfriend and I'm the enabler. They are so bad for me but I'm like a moth to a flame when I have them.
Familiar girl was there, but she was in a mood. She blurted out that "this was not working for her"..."I don't get THIS!" When asked for clarification, such as was she talking about the diet or the group she said "All of it. One day I'm on then I'm off and I don't get THIS! I don't know what ketosis even is" To all of us in the class it was as if she was speaking Chinese. What did she mean I'm on then I'm off...could she be talking about the shakes?! How do you go on and off that!? Who would do that...3 days of hell if you go off shakes and then go back on! It was very confusing. Then the counselor got into the group project...the meat and potatoes of the program...
ACE (adverse childhood experience)
http://www.acestudy.org/files/AR-V1N4.pdf
10 little questions...The higher the ACE Score, the greater the likelihood
that multiple, negative outcomes...basically attribute to co-morbidity, obesity, heart issues and other good stuff. Highest score between 7-8, I was 6. How nice. Women who have been sexually abused have a higher correlation.
Then we were asked if our parentS (both) resembled safe, consistent and structure. That's a big no. If we don't have that we are constantly dancing around the inconsistent parent wondering is she or he in a good mood, is it safe? We are so busy taking an emotion temperature that we don't learn how to feel our own feelings.
I talked about my mom. I said it wasn't my mom's fault, she wasn't very nurturing...I needed more than she could give. I was soft, emotional and needy. My mom was strong, unemotional and hard. Counselor put something on the board that resembled my mom and I.
Then she asked all of us what we liked best about our family when we were growing up. I liked the community. I had a big family (cousins, aunts, grandparents) and they were all within an hour away. We had great family celebrations (still do).
Then she asked what I liked least. I didn't like the conflict. First it was my mom and sister they fought A LOT, my mom threw my sister's bong at her head once. It was loud, chaotic and scary. Then when I got a little older it was me and my sister. She'd punch me in the stomach...not exactly a fair fight. Then when I got older it was mom and me. She hit me a few times...the last time she ever hit me I was pregnant and I moved in with my sister.
The last thing my counselor suggested appreciate all that is wonderful about me...and make a list. I'll do that on another day.
As class ended familiar girl was in tears. I went and sat by her and told her what I had shared the week before. She cried opened up and said she had a horrible childhood. She gave details. Her mother too had issues showing affection and now she was not showing affection to her 12 year old daughter. She worried it was too late. She was in a bad place. We talked for over a half an hour; we cried and when it was done she said she would come back next week...because I told her this was the best thing she could do for herself and her daughter. I wonder if I will see her next week.
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