When it all goes wrong again...

That's the name of a song that Everclear sings.  Everclear is one of my favorite bands.  I titled this post that because things seem to be going wrong.  But then and again things are also going right!  I'll try to sum it up without mushing it into something that makes no sense.  I'll need to organize this one!  Perhaps bullets with details...

Going right

• Step son is here for 6 weeks from Texas
• Hubby has shown Step son his Roman armor stuff and Dylan is REALLY into it
• I've lost 4 pounds (I gained 5 in Ireland)
• I'm training for this 5k...I want to be able to run for 30 minutes straight (I think that will almost be 3.1 miles) so far I can run 15 minutes and it gets easier every time.  
• I have a new beautiful kitchen
• Step daughter is staying with us and other step daughter will be joining her at the end of July.
• I've adjusted my schedule so I can get half days off of Friday to have some "me time"
• I'm totally okay with the way I look in a bathing suit or naked.
• On July 27th I will attempt to sign up for an accounting class.
• On September 1st I will make my last payment to my creditors for the stuff I got stuck with in the divorce.  This will free up about $1200 (I'm triple paying to get it paid off) to pay off Hubby's debt that he has from HIS divorce.  So close to debt free I can taste it! 

Going wrong

• Step son being here and caused a little bit of a disconnect between Hubby and I.  Step son is an energy vampire and quite manipulative...cute as anything but still.
• Having that kitchen built was so stressful and we had to eat out for 4 nights.  I thought I was going to gain weight for sure...I literally resorted to practically starving myself. 
• Step daughter staying with us has also pulled Hubby and I apart...we are normally very close talking to each other the minute we see each other...now its answering kids questions (something we don't normally deal with) making dinners, shopping and then Hubby has guilt because we haven't done enough with them...like taking them surfing.
• Hubby thinks I'm being selfish because I want time to work out or decompress (he actually used the words "you're being selfish")  He has since changed that statement to "some of the actions you take are selfish".
• Hubby basically said the way I look right now makes no difference.  He loved me fat...he loves me this way.  At least when I was fat we did things together more. OUCH!
• I'm very concerned about signing up for school...its just one class but I'm scared it will pull more time from "us" and I will be perceived as "taking actions that are selfish"
• Making triple payments has really impacted my fun budget!  It's been tough. (But the positives out way this one!)

So the selfish statement is sticking with me.  We don't have a lot of time together.  With the kids, my workouts, and the daily household routine we are just busy.  We normally are together more.  Of course this is mostly my fault...when we have down time I refuse to sit on the computer next to him and mindlessly click away on farmville.  I'm done with that.  I'll watch a movie or get on the treadmill, but gone are the days of hours sitting next to him zoning out on the computer.  He said we "always do what you want".  I wish I knew what it is we are doing that I want.  Everclear played at the fair this year and because we had Step son I couldn't go.  My friend's band played at the fair this year, but because Hubby was singing with bro in law's band later that night I couldn't go.  I really want a new pair of running shoes, but because we have to get a new kitchen and pay for Step son's summer camps and oldest daughter's trip to Greece and youngest daughter's birthday request for an iphone...I can't get them. So I'm not sure if I'm being selfish monetarily or time wise.  We did go see Wicked (that was my anniversary gift) I didn't dare ask to go after being called selfish.  On our anniversary day Hubby dropped the I loved you when you had your weight and I love you the same now that you don't have the weight...the only difference is we were closer and did more things together when you had the weight.  Thank goodness we have another anniversary in November because this last one bit.  Hubby's biggest complaint...he doesn't feel like he is a priority in my life anymore.

Step son leaves for a few days tomorrow morning.  step daughter is staying.  I'm going to try and reconnect with Hubby as best I can.  With daughter there will be drama but not nearly as much as her and step soncombined...that's exhausting.  My routine for working out is:  Monday come home make dinner...treadmill for 40 minutes., Tuesday go straight to Gym after work for Bootcamp, come home make dinner and leave it for family to reheat (no one is home Hubby has his roman armor building group that night) go back to gym for Zumba.  Wednesday come home make dinner veg with family, Thursday go to Elementary school and walk/run track with run club (we are all training for a 5K in October) that takes 40 minutes (I'm home by 5:30), Friday work half day be a blob or go to the gym and then be a blob until 5 cook dinner and spend time with family.  Saturday run in the morning spend rest of day with family, Sunday spend day with family.

Broken down it looks like this:

• 4 hours doing various workouts during the week (40 minutes of that is at home on a treadmill)
• 40 hours at work
•  49 hours sleep if I'm lucky
• 7.5 hours driving to work and gym and taking Step son to or from camp if needed.
• 6 hours showering and primping (make up/dressing)
• 5 hours on Friday to go to the gym or be a blob
• 56.5 hours spending time with family (or grocery shopping for family)

and I'm selfish.